As charcoal is to black

Saps unite

2009-12-01T20:09:09Z

Ok, so I never really realized that my whole family is just a bunch of saps until Sunday. We all went to this lovely dinner theater for a darling Christmas musical. Usually this theater has a Christmas revue which is spine-tinglingly good, but this year, for the first time in a long time, the program is a simple musical instead. It was quite good, a bit slow to start out, but there were some real show stopping numbers in the second half. Anyhow, the musical was done and 'Santa' told us to sit back down (always standing ovations because the of's wanna get the hell out as soon as possible, I swear) as there was a bit more to the presentation.

So when the guy comes out who yearly does the narrating of the whole revue, most notably the actual Christmas Story, we all get quite excited. He does this beautiful job telling the story of Christmas, better even than last year. And then this adorable girl comes out (in the play she was limited to the part of stenographer) and starts singing "Oh Holy Night." Perfectly. Then another girl's out there, this one the lead, singing the next verse, perfectly. Then the lead male, again perfection. Then the secretary and the publicist split a verse. And for the last three verses everyone is out there. Singing so so perfectly.

When the lights came up I noticed right away that Gma and Mums were crying. Then I see that Gpa was crying. Then Daddy. And of course I'd started bawling like a baby pretty much as soon as the first girl opened her mouth. Of course when I look at the people around us, not a single person had shed a single tear.

On a slightly more silly note, the Judge looked eerily like David Hewlitt. And the entire time I was watching, I couldn't help thinking the lead dancer looked like Alan Rickmann. Even though I'm sure he didn't. Probably.

cheetahanabel @ 2009-11-20T00:07:00

2009-11-20T06:07:31Z

So ever since reading whizzy's Fade to Black I've had this niggling thing in the back of my mind. This feeling. Of Cary Grant having lived in a place called Boy's Town (actually Bachelor Hall) with someone like Gary Cooper (actually Randolph Scott). And even back when I first heard about that I thought it was really quite gay. Terribly gay even. And this was back when I was young and innocent. So now I have seen the pictures and read things slanted to each side. And if I'm being perfectly realistic I will admit that the likelihood of Cary Grant and Randolph Scott actually being involved in a crazy deep gay relationship that spanned twelve years is closer to preposterous than believable. But, you see, fanfiction is here for reasons. And I for one believe that one of those reasons is for people to get rid of foolish impulses. So now I'm left with some sort of half-formed impulse about this whole situation. Because there's no fic out there. Which means I'm about to either drive over to one of their descendants' houses and beg for any information whatsoever, or I'm about to write a thoroughly researched story about Cary Grant's big gay love for Randolph Scott. And vice versa. With pictures. And possibly music. This could be a very bad thing.

A fannish day

2009-09-25T14:51:56Z

So I’ve begun sending things out on fanfiction.net, because as much as I detest, and I mean detest both the site and everything it stands for, it seems to be one of those tools you can use to your own advantage.

And since I’m part of that site I decided to see what they had to offer. Not like I’ll actually read anything from said site as it seems to be made up of teenagers who don’t know how to write at all, and those who can only write clearly in another language, but I still like to know what’s being produced…what the next big fandom is going to be, if you know what I mean.

So after looking over some of the television fandoms and finding some premises that actually sound decent, miracle of miracles, I happen to wander into the book section. Now, if I’d been thinking at all I would never have opened that can of worms, because honestly the one big fandom that I cannot help but loathe is HP. But for some reason I conveniently forgot and stumbled into Pride and Prejudice—which may have been the worst idea I’ve ever had. Now don’t get me wrong, I use and abuse characters in my fics until no one knows what’s up or down, doubtless, but that being said, just reading the plot for these fics made my hair stand up on end. Because although there were a couple of continuations and a one decent sounding complete reworking, no one changed the pairings at all.

I’m quite open to most fic, but to me, if you aren’t willing to try something new in fandom, please, don’t try anything at all. I’m sure that maybe one fic in the entire section was actually readable. But come on people, why take the biggest classic of all time and try to either re-write it with the same characters or (worse yet) write yourself into it (and don’t y’all tell me you’re not doing it). There’s no real reason to do it. If I would have seen a single new pairing of the same old characters I might have considered reading, but instead I found atrocity upon atrocity.

So I went to bed telling myself, I could never even read a book fanfic. The arguments were: a book is good enough that the idea of changing it in any way is mock-able, and unlike television and movies where about ten people go into the making of each character, one person makes every character in a book and trying to change any of them would be irreverent. So here I am with my whole high and mighty attitude, when I start to think, Huh, wonder what a Darcy/Bingley fic would be like, and then of course I start writing it out in my head before I can even tell myself how wrong wrong wrong it is. And then I remember fics like That Summer and Jolie Couer which are both BTVS/Anita Blake crossovers, both of which I really liked, almost better than the books, partly because of the irreverence.

And granted there are reasons why I should like someone who rewrote the Anita Blake ‘Verse. And they are strong and many. But honestly there is a reason behind rewriting any book, or at least adding to it. So here I am feeling like I did back when I discovered that mocking Buffy had been pretty funny considering how in love I was after watching the first episode, or back to the day when I read my first allaboutspike fic after the double whammy of mocking fanfic before reading any based on the overly dramatic people on the old buffyworld and the horror of my first foray into fanfic—bad Spuffy (and we all know Spuffy is bad enough on it’s own that no one needs to write actual bad versions of it). And so, I’m left still thinking, in part at least, that every really well written book shouldn’t be fanficced, but I’m also left thinking that any time you want to take a more questionable epic it’s more a good idea than a questionable one. And I’m sure eventually someone will take something like Pride and Prejudice and write a fic that totally makes me look like a crazy person for even having concerns at all.

Now on to rant the first—Project Runway—what’s up with this season? I mean, if I was lifetime I would have done anything to keep the two judges who are able to judge and make long term decisions. I don’t know if lifetime decided they couldn’t afford those two, or if Heidi Klum asked lifetime for total creative control, or what happened. But I’ll tell you, this new girl is perfectly useless and the rotating peanut gallery is perfectly useless, so suddenly this seems to be the Heidi Klum show.

And this also seems to be the flying under the radar show. I mean, practically the only people still in the show are the middle men. Every week they send the person home who has done poorly in that single competition, they never consider the big picture of long term. So instead of seeing Johnny and R’amon in the finals (like we doubtless would have in former seasons) we’re going to see Carol Hannah and Logan who are never in either the top or the bottom.

Lifetime, listen up, we want the actual designers to win this. We don’t want to see the milquetoasts that have no real creativity or originality in the final three. Call us crazy, but we really think sending the people who’ve been in the top more often than not home every week just because of one slightly faulty design is more idiotic than y’all taking a berretta and shooting yourselves in the foot. Repeatedly. Please get Michael Kors and Nina Garcia back for next season. Or we will not watch. Sincerely, the three muses.

Okay, and on to rant the second—Nine—dude, what was the goal here? Now I’m fond of movies. Wait, let’s try I’m fond of good movies. And I will admit that there were good parts to this movie. But c’mon people.

To start off with I should mention that I really thought that this was a Tim Burton film before going. So I was expecting his quirky sense of humor. And granted beautiful visuals as well, but mostly the quirky plot. So I’m sitting in the theater watching the beginning of this and I’m thinking, okay, this is not exactly the movie I was expecting. I mean the visuals from the start, while stimulating, were not even approaching beauty. And honestly both the people and the machines weren’t even visually stimulating. They looked like something that could have been produced ten years ago easily.

And then there was the lack of dialogue. I mean, when you have a total of nine characters, two of them never talk, one of them doesn’t talk for the first few scenes he’s in, and there’s never more than five on screen at once you’re already shooting blanks, but to actually write as boring of dialogue as was written for this—it’s completely unsupportable. And then there was the lack of contrast between voices, the fact (which we will get into later) that there was only one female character, and worst of all, the fact that the villain had no voice. When I was growing up and we read plays in class I would always want to be the villain. They always had the best lines. So to have a villain who doesn’t talk…pissed me off.

Now we’re going to imagine that each movie is a table with three legs. So if the first is visuals and the second is dialogue, the last is plot. (Non-cartoons have the fourth leg of acting as well.) Now this plot wasn’t the worst of all. It was fairly unusual, if not really original. Let’s all admit that both evil robots taking over the world and the rise of another Hitler has been done to death. Let’s also focus on the fact that the entire movie was able to be called. The biggest issue was the fact that, unlike other films put out in similar genres recently, not only was the whole movie predictable, it was actually overpredictable. I mean, I was sitting there in the theater thinking, okay so this is going to happen (which did) but since everything was predicting that this would happen I started to think that maybe that would actually be what happened. So when this happened, it was definitely disappointing. And then there’s the whole ending. Which was just plain stupid. I mean it was doody-face stupid. They didn’t even leave it open for another story to tell.

Now a table is made up of not only legs but also a top, and in my opinion the table-top to a movie is its soundtrack. If the legs are strong, a firm and beautiful table-top can add nothing but beauty. And a weak and faulty table-top will still lead to the table breaking. And if we really consider a movie, more than likely there will be songs that are better than others, but the most important song is the opening credits. It’s the center of the table, if you will. Although a table-top can survive without a center, the edges (or the rest of the music) then need to be exceptionally strong. In this case, we have a beautiful firm table top. But the thing is, it has no legs to stand on.

Now I know we need to consider what age group a movie is for before we judge it. Obviously children are supposed to use small tables, so the idea of a movie equally lacking in just about everything other than music is not the worst thing for children. But Nine was one of those movies that I wouldn’t let my children see until they were at least twelve due to violence and strong suspense. And this is where the real problem is. This movie is aimed at no age group.

If I’m fair, I have to mention there was one moment that was actually so good I couldn’t help but be a bit in love with it. The Somewhere Over the Rainbow scene was a beauty.

And now I’m spent. Also, I’m really pissy right now because two people have taken my seat at my café already. I mean the first guy leaves and the second guy just leaps to take his seat. And I’m like What’cha doing asshole? but he’s this dude who’s like my grandpa’s age so I can’t scare him away. And I think he’s another regular here who sits and reads the entire paper here every day. So I’m going to be sitting in this wrong seat for the foreseeable future. (And since this seat isn’t actually against the wall that means no reading fanfic, and probably no writing fanfic. Damnit!)

Oh, and then I should say I’ve mainly been living on caffeine the past week or so…I’m talking a maximum of four hours of sleep a night. So last night I decide to have a Mellow Yellow at nine pm and so when I go to bed I can’t fall asleep. My mind’s racing at about a thousand miles an hour and I can’t even start to calm it down. Then suddenly I’m not there. I see a guy sitting at a coffee bar facing away from me. He’s halfway across the room, then suddenly I’m there and I tap him on the shoulder. And of course, when he turns around he has a black void where his face should be. And then suddenly I’m back in my bed and my heart is racing and I’m like freaking the fuck out. And of course I fall right asleep after that. But anyhow, I totally blame Nine for that, cause I don’t like scary movies and don’t watch scary movies

and we hit more...

2009-09-11T00:52:35Z

Okay, so I am presently watching Vampire Diaries...attrocious btw, but am I the only one feeling the incestuous Damon/'Stefan vibe? This show is going to be bad, but I can see a strong fangirl following. And some really, really really hot fic. Oh, and if they call the ring the gem of Amara...I'll laugh my ass off.

top chef...wtf?

2009-09-10T02:18:49Z

Kay, so...I had a day mostly free and spent a good portion of it watching some long-ago season of Top Chef. And the sick thing (and I mean sick) is that I now want to write Top Chef RPS. WTF? I mean seriously. I'm starting to think I'm scarred for life. Sometimes I even want to write about guys at work and their hopeless romances. Am I totally crazy? Have I finally hit that point in life where I have to admit I'm the old-maid cat lady who keeps pictures of cakes?

In other news I'm apparently sick as a dog for some unexplained reason (and much as I love being the human version of salad shooter, I really wish it would stop). Someone stole my clothing at work which is bad, but to make it worse no one but a couple of the guys is remotely my size, and to make it worse yet, the clothing consisted of a low-cut purple t-shirt and a pair of magenta--magenta--skinny jeans. Not even a transvestite would stoop to that. Like I asked my bf Dre "who would need a pair of magenta pants?" and like she responded, "apparently, you." (And now you see why she's my best friend. Funny, funny girl.)

And now I'm going to spend the next couple hours attempting not to puke. Cross your fingers for me, kay?

Why I'm an idiot...

2009-08-03T03:43:09Z

Okay so some of my LJ friends have been mentioning Leverage as a really good show for a while now. And I've been ignoring them. Because I was assuming they were just pleased to see Christian Kane any way they could. Even if the show was shit. What a mistake!!! Seriously, Leverage rocks. And is it just me, or is there some serious potential for UST between Eliot and Nate (ok, I've only watched four epi's so far so don't lambaste me if I'm totally off-base).

In other news, I managed to get out of a party without really trying, my grandpa up and rented a house on my favorite river for canoeing, and Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella is so corny it's really, really good.

Dark Shadows, omg, and a theory

2009-07-31T03:45:26Z

Ok, I know that Dark Shadows is very possibly the corniest television show known to mankind, but, but, it's so campy...soo good in its totally unbelievable special-effects and completely unremarkable acting skills. And now Johnny Depp is going to be in a movie version? Is there anyone in the world as excited as I am right now? I think the only thing that could make my day better would be hearing James Marsters and David Boreanaz were joining the production as well. The cast would then be complete (and very hot)...oh, who am I kidding? Seeing the three of them together in anything...<is speechless>.

On a completely different and yet slightly tangential note, I have a new theory. Lately I've been pondering why so few SciFi actors are able to escape the drag of SciFi. And wondering why the ones who escape its pull are able to. So far as I can tell, the ability to get a good role in a new show doesn't stem from how good of actors they were or how very pretty they were, or even how well they were connected, but on their general affability and pleasantness to be around.

Let's just take BTVS as our example: now who has been the most successful since the show? Arguably you could say David Boreanaz has done better for himself than anyone else, which is rather ironic. If you are a fan of DB or BTVS, you'll know that David was no actor before joining the cast of Buffy season one. And if you watch the same season you'll see a definite inferiority in his acting ability when compared with everyone else. In the early days of watching I was always amazed Joss kept him on. I figured, you can find a good-looking guy anywhere. Why not kill him off and bring someone else on instead. But if you listen to commentaries you often hear Joss refer to him as having a great sense of humor and being a generally fun guy. And in the end it worked out for Joss. By the middle of season two he was a decent actor, by the end of it a really good one, and the decision to give him his own show, while shocking at the time, is perfectly understandable in retrospect. By the middle of ATS, DB had completely come to his own, and now you can understand why he's not only a co-star, but a successful co-star on Bones.

Another strong success is Alyson Hannigan. She obviously acted before Buffy, but shall we say that Buffy was her first really adult role? Anyhow, once again, we're always told in commentaries not only how fantastic of an actress Alyson is, but also how terribly sweet she is. Although I believe she is terribly cute, though, I wouldn't call her hot. But despite the fact she's not a classic beauty, or perhaps because of it, she's excelled in both movies and television since the end of BTVS.

Anthony Stewart Head is another name to drop here, although he has been a very good actor all his life. Still better actors than he have been type-cast to infinity after leaving a SciFi role, even if they had been in another genre before. But now Tony Head seems to be able to choose whatever role he wants. And why not? In the commentaries he was always held in highest esteem.

Now let's look at our problem cases. First off, Sarah Michelle Geller. She's obviously a fantastic actress, yes some of her idioms bother me at times, but that is true of all actors. Why then is it that she has been in nothing but SciFi, dark humor, and (worst of all) B-horror movies since leaving the show? It's my belief that it's all due to the last few years of the show. I'm not sure if SMG suddenly developed big-head syndrome, or if she just suddenly grew sick of the people she was with, but from everything you hear, for the last two years at least, she was a bit of a horror to work with. In the early days everyone had got together and spent time with each other outside of work, but at the end she was no longer willing to even do interviews. She had fights with several co-workers and the whole will she agree to an eighth season? will she be a part of ATS season 5? was more immature than anything else. My guess is, if she ever gets a show again it will be SciFi, and not a lead.

And then we hit Emma Caulfield who there is no word of since the show's demise. I think she was a very talented actress, but the fight between she and SMG made her untouchable for almost any role. Likewise James Marsters, although he has gotten a few bit-roles since. He was a better actor, though, and the fact that he isn't in a show now is almost definitely due to his disagreements with SMG.

So my big conclusion is: don't fight on set if you're in a science fiction television show, or you'll get no more good roles for the rest of your life.

arrrrgh

2009-07-17T03:25:04Z

There are very few times in which I feel a media item is entirely without worth, but let me say here that if Persuasion of 2007 is worth anything, it is merely useful as an illustration of how ill cast a set of actors can be. Although I do not think the 1995 version the best of works (nay there is some writing that is nigh on to abominable) I do think it is the best casting ever done for classic fiction if not for a reworking of a work of fiction in general. On the complete opposite, though, the actors for the 2007 version have little to nothing to recomend them to us as viewers.

The 1995 version has fault enough, I grant you, but not in acting. If only carried by Amanda Root alone I would still be pleased for her sake, but there are so many background actors so integral to the scene, to every action performed by Anne, that it is very nearly impossible to view each scene with equanimity. I declare, nay, I swear, that I have not seen a better done version of one of Miss Austen's works, not even the 1995 Pride and Prejudice equals it, although it is very close, as is the same year's Sense and Sensibility.

Also, I remember a 90's-esque version of Mansfield Park, but cannot seem to find it anywhere, what's up with that.

I need to go back to the 2007 version of Persuasion. The thing is, I have never seen such awkward, such inappropriate casting in my whole life. I get that not everyone is available when they are wanted, but not a single person suited, whereas every single person suited in the 1995 version to some extent or another. I have no problems with lack of perfection.

Finally allow me to mention how very happy we should be that so many people have favored us in such a way as to make such wonderful productions available to us. To relationships I am perfectly indifferent, but to a really fantastic book, or a nearly as well done remake of a novel, I have every expectation of future happiness.

(Was I drunk when I wrote this? Very. Do I still agree with nearly every word the next morning? Definitely!)

happy, happy, joy, joy

2009-07-15T02:17:10Z

Ok, so I posted some fic at SOG last year and as I'm one of those really nervous really embarrassed type people I didn't check the comments until now, and can I just say I am in awe. Everyone is soooo nice. I didn't finish the first story for the obvious reason that it was my first read story and as such pure crap. The second story's ending got eaten by my computer, and now I'm inspired to start fresh. Seriously. I heart each and every one of you and had to stop part way through reading the comments just so I wouldn't get too emotional.

go anarchy

2009-07-08T03:08:11Z

Yes, I know it would never work, but after finding lim's vids no longer appear to even be on youtube anymore (can we say yet another lawsuit?) I'm finding myself decidedly in favor of going for it. Obviously this is some crazy thing where either the musicians or producers of sga are suing the pants off of everyone in general. I really ought to make sure the fanfic sites are up. The day they take those away from us I will wage war.

On a more positive--and in a sense parallel--note I have discovered seriously the best red wine I have ever tried (and I've tried many). And a really fantastic new beer (vanilla stout of all things). Alcohol makes the world go round. Or at least the people.

Okay, so I'm really getting more and more pissed off over this whole thing. I would think that lim had just suddenly become very private, but other vids are missing as well. The thing that really bothers me is that lim's vids are actually better--more resonant, deeper, more real--than the show itself. Honestly I would not only call lim an artist of the first class, I would also pay to see one of her vids.

I'm going to have to go through and find out what else is missing, because I love being masochistic.

Seriously Pissed OFF

2009-07-06T03:24:23Z

Right! Imeem is pulling some bull where I can't seem to see any of my favorite SGA vids...which, can I say WTF!?! Seriously ready to wring some necks here. I wouldn't mind so much, except for the fact that I found out that one of my favorites is leaving work, so seriously in need of some lim vid comfort, also discovered bf loves regina specktor, so there is that. Excuse my pissed off-ed-ness. It's not going to go away until I can actually view my favorite vids on imeem.

Better actually happen.

YAAAAYYYY!!!!!!

2009-06-23T03:59:43Z

Yipee! Merlin was on. Merlin was on last night, while I was working, and mom, Angel that she is, taped it for me. Merlin was on and it was good, good enough that I'm glad I finalized the disc at least, and really better. Although I could write a witty synopsis, I'll just say that sarahtales wrote the best one ever, so there's no ability to improve on it. Anyhow, watch, and read.

For a bit of criticism, the English cinematography seems so choppy and unlifelike in comparison to American. Maybe it's cause we watch so much reality television, maybe it's just cause we're all a bunch of cynics. I don't know and really don't care. But it really shows in the wacky shots and wild angles. Not that it's really a bad thing, just totally not believable.

Oh, and one more thing. Why do we, as in Western Civilization, insist on using headlining stars in guest roles for like all television. Dude, I'm like seriously not thrilled about it. Seeing Eve Myles in the first episode as an evil witch really threw me for a loop. (Just like seeing Billie Piper as Fanny Price threw me and Brett Favre in There's Something About Mary threw me.) I know they want to get viewers but I really have to stick to my guns in believing shows like Lost, BTVS, SPN, FF, SGA, DH, ATS, and The Office have the right of it. They never bring really famous actors in. When they do bring actors in for guest spots it works as a kind of a platform for the actors. If you look back on the number of actors that got their break in BTVS alone...it's mindboggling. And I'm not even talking about the stars, who also had good careers.

To me, the use of a famous or formerly famous actor is one of those standards you'll always find in sitcoms. Along with more attractive wives and less attractive husbands. Which is why I don't watch sitcoms. Ever. Period. Heck, nowadays I'll walk out of the room even if Lucy's on. Which is why people call me bitch...

you can tell my life is boring when...

2009-06-20T03:23:55Z

Not only have I not written anything in over a week, but also I become completely obsessed over a BBC production taped almost 15 years ago. Yes I have always been obsessed with the book Pride and Prejudice, and have been ridiculous with the whole critique/love/pushing of Pride and Prejudice--the 1995 BBC version of course. But the last three times I watched it I've begun to become more and more certain that the man who played Thomas Palmer and the woman who played Mrs. Jennings in the 1995 movie version of Sense and Sensibility are in the post from Bromley with Maria and Elizabeth. And I can't find confirmation of my suspicions anywhere. So I'm driving myself slowly more and more mad.

In other news...Merlin...tomorrow. Yeah I have been keeping an internal clock version of a count-down. Yeah I know it's pitiful, but I just can't help myself. There's nothing quite like campy British television. Although my love of Canadian television is definitely taking precidence.

authors, the good, the better, and the best

2009-06-07T03:31:42Z

This is my handy dandy countdown of my personal list of the best fic-writers of all time. Now don't get confused and think this is excluding one of your favorite authors cause they're not good. These are just my personal top ten. And I will admit that about half of my top ten fics aren't written by any of these authors. It takes more than just one phenomonal story to make a stand-out writer, and these fic writers have that special something, consistently and on a regular basis. I did throw in one author who is perhaps not the best out there but hey, this is an indulgence rec-list. I'm not promising equal love, I'm just promising some damn good stories. So, with no further ado...

10 AmIReal - First let me mention AmIReal who I have yet to read in entirety. But Superman Never Dealt with this Shit and Breaking Up is Hard to Do are good good good. And Leavenworth is so much better than good it blows my mind on a regular basis.

9 Resonant - Likewise Resonant blows me away on a regular basis. Sadly her body of work is not the largest to be found, but fics like Term of Service and Warning are so so good. And then we have Higher Education. Which is, no your eyes have not deceived you, a Breakfast Club fic. Mmm <heart melts>.

8 Neena - Next let's mention Neena, whose fandoms seem quite broad, whose writing is really very good in the 'so funny my sides hurt' way, and whose gen fics actually make me stand up and take notice. Yes she's really very wonderful. But, sadly, she seems to have decreased output in the past few years.

7 Tabaqui - Then there is the stunningly tallented Tabaqui whose Spander is the most innovative you will ever read and whose SPN is so utterly desolate you will feel like crying your eyes out. Honestly this is one of the best writers out there, but sadly lacking in SGA fics. Luckily, the Spander more than makes up for it. Hero and Little Runaway and Under the Mountain are all so so so...just read them. Seriously.

6 Eliade - Next we have the remarkably talented Eliade, who in her heyday wrote the standard Spander tropos, but wrote it so well you honestly never want to read another version of the story again. I like the way she writes more than anything else, like in Reprise and Subtleties and Throwing Shapes how she just starts in the middle of nowhere, and continues from there until you have this perfect picture of her writing away somewhere, just thinking it out as she goes. And some of my favorites like Involuntary Bodies and Reprise are oh so original, where Throwing Shapes and Sidelines and The One in the Cave are oh so familiar plot-wise.

5 Shallott - More original plots are abundant in Shallott/Astolat's SGA writing. Here we have the best kid!fic ever - A Beautiful Lifetime Event, the best adventure fic ever - Transcendental, and the best harlequin!fic ever - No Refunds or Exchanges. Also, some fairly decent vids, which you don't see crossed over that often. The best thing about Shallott is the shear number of fandoms written. I mean look at the listing, it's enough to impress anyone. But I will caution that there is something to be desired in the smex. It's not the best by any means.

4 Wesley's Girl - Here we'll mention the lovely and talented Wesley's Girl who has written tons of fiction in all three of my one-time favorite fandoms of BTVS, SPN, and SGA. Here we have another exceptional kid!fic in On Life and Living. I'm eternally impressed by the number of pairings she has in her BTVS, but some of my favorite fics here are a remarkably good Giles/Wesley fic Life is What Happens When You're Making Other Plans, and the unconvetional Wesley/Spike fic Chance Encounter. But what she may be best known for, and rightly so, are her masterpiece epics such as Tea and Biscuits and Saturation. These...these are the Pride and Prejudice of the fic-world, something you just have to come back to and read every year. (I will say that for every really good fic on Adds Mystery there's an equally indifferent one, but it's easy enough to pick out the good and bad.)

3 TooMuchPlor - Next we have the highly talented toomuchplor, who is one of the only authors I actually prefer to see writing one of my 'not-favorite' fandoms to writing SGA. Not to say her SGA fics are anything other than good. But Omiai, my first love in SV, was a world apart from fanfiction in and of itself. It deserves a special shelf somewhere. And my real reason for not wanting toomuchplor to write SGA fic is the very real need to see an end to the stunning work, Constellation, which is yet another fantastic kid!fic. Although I've never seen SV I really feel like I have after reading one of toomuchplor's fics. And they're AU's. Oh, and the smex is mind-meltingly good.

2 SkoosiePants - Up next we'll mention the wonderfully talented Skoosiepants. Cause my good god Skoosie can make me laugh. And laugh. And laugh. No seriously, who else would think to cross SGA and bandom? Who? Honestly everything Skoosie writes is gold, so I'll just mention a couple of fics that seem to be largely ignored by the fic community. Cowboy tendencies is oh so funny. And The prettiest teddy bear hampster in all the land is...I'm laughing just reccing it. Skoosiepants seriously rocks in the field of comedy.

1 RagePruFrock - As does rageprufrock. Of course, pru also rocks in the fields of angst and melancholia. I will honestly admit that I read everything pru writes religiously, just hoping for another Lock the Door or Hindsights or (as yet untitled as far as I know) Merlin AU where Merlin's pregnant. But I will admit that until I stumbled across Conflicts of Interest recced on toomuchplor's old SV reccing page I was only marginally in love with pru. But after reading Conflicts of Interest and crying like a little baby and raging at the injustice of no sequel...I decided to re-look at glitterati, and just happened to find Visiting Hours. And wept even harder. And subsequently began reading everything by pru I could get my hands on. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, although I love everyone else I've listed here, I would gladly give my firstborn to pru. Because each of her fics is better than the last. Because she really gets all the many fandoms. Because she writes John as more asinine than the ass he is in SGA. I love you pru!

wine, the other tannin source

2009-06-05T23:47:26Z

Am I the only one who watches those commercials for grape juice with Elton where he's all "my favorite way to get tannins is grape juice" and says "yeah, right!" I mean who really prefers grape juice to wine? Seriously, grape juice is the worst juice out there. Anyhow, I'm totally in love with this wine shop that opened up recently in my neighborhood. Free wine tasting, a nice international selection, and a simple menu of such things as pizzetas on hand are just the tip of the iceburg. The tables are made of wine corks. The staff is exactly the right amount of friendly. I am rather in love.

Although I just canceled netflix I'm already in misery. Lack of SGA leads to: depression, tearing of hair, and gnashing of teeth. But my cousin, in her infinite kindness, made me a copy of SGA season 2 vols 3, 4, 5 which should help some with the withdrawal. If I get really desparate I can always watch season 5 on hulu, although I'm really against watching non-dvd tv.

Am I the only one who saw the news about Carradine's death and thought 'that's the way to go?' Seriously, I'm not planning on ever having children, and I'm planning on outliving my parents, so if I can die in such a position, I'll die happy.

Finally, let me just say, for the record, FOX sucks. Yeah, we're all happy you're renewing DH for another season. But could you do it under any worse conditions? I mean, not only did they schedule it on Friday nights once again (a sure ratings-killer if ever there was), but now that they've canceled T:SC they're replacing that time-slot with comedies. Two sitcoms!!! What is the world coming to?!?

merlin...nbc

2009-06-02T05:47:02Z

So I'm both thrilled and rather thrown that Merlin's coming to NBC. I mean, according to everyone on the UK side of our little world, we will all fall head over heels for this hapless hero (and Anthony Stewart Head! Don't forget Anthony Stewart Head). So I'm lookin' forward to a great new show which can't be anything but of the good. And the fic...the fic already produced boggles the mind. Can't wait to see what's yet to come.

The problem I'm forseeing is the whole living at home thing. There is a possibility of course that neither of my parents will want to join me in my Merlin-viewing. But I forsee that possibility as being very slight. And from prior experiences (aka viewing SGA finally after the show was finished or viewing SPN years after it was on) I know that I will squee. I will squee loudly. Heck, I even did it for the last two episodes of Dollhouse merely because of the stellar performance of one Alan Tudyk. So there's not a chance in hell I'll avoid making many creepily giddy noises. And my parents will start to wonder...

But I'm too happy about it coming to the good ol' US of A to be too worried. Go Merlin!

wibble wibble

2009-05-31T03:28:35Z

I'm all teary. Damn you Joss!

I was saving the season finale of Dollhouse for a night when I needed a bit of an angst fest and Joss went above and beyond the call of duty. Seriously.

Now all I want to know is if there is a Topher/Boyd fic community out there somewhere.

Erm for spoilery stuff...isn't it weird how everything seems to be broken up into pre-Alpha and post-Alpha. Even Topher's clothes. And do you think that Ballard's going to be an active? A handler? Inquiring minds want to know. Also, can we just mention the mega-star cast of the final episode of the season. I'm so happy they kept Alpha alive, and honestly hope they continue to do so throughout the show's running. Alan Tudyk kicks butt. And then there's the highly talented Amy Acker. Can we say star? Soooo happy/sad/melancholy/blissed out...I don't know what to do with myself.

Anyhow, I LOVE you Joss!

...why no one should ever own a dog

2009-05-27T02:40:17Z

1) They smell. I know cats smell as well, but where cats smell rather musky, dogs smell rather musty and mildewy to boot.

2) They need someone to watch them urinate and deficate. Okay, I suppose it's good to know everything's coming out ok, but you can tell that just as easily in the litter box. And you don't have to watch to get there. Oh, and cats have the decency, nay compulsion, to bury their shit.

3) They're dirty. Seriously dogs are always dirty. If the smell isn't bad enough they have the oily fur to match.

4) They expect way too much attention. Seriously, I don't give that much attention to a boyfriend, do you really think I'm going to give it to a furry mutt.

5) They're stupid. If I put a cat behind one of those cage things (a) they'd jump it in a second flat or if it was too high (b) they'd either unlock it or barrell right on through. I've had cats open doors, know when the heater's coming on, and make it into a ceiling-high window based on trajectory.

6) If the rest of these reasons don't disuade you, how about this one--they die too young. If I'm going to have a pet I want one that lives a decent number of years.

Now I don't want anyone to think I'm actually a cat person. I've known cats that were worth owning, but not all of them are either. I'm just really anti-dog. I'm honestly not ever planning on having a pet again, and if I do I'll get an iguana or a snake, something that doesn't want attention.

This message was brought to you by one very t-ed off dog-sitter. The animal made me swear, he made me cry, he invaded my dreams in the worst of ways. I...currently I will not enter the house of someone who owns a dog, will not eat dairy products...there are other things but I've been so dyslexic throughout that I really don't want to try to continue.

cheetahanabel @ 2009-05-20T22:36:00

2009-05-21T04:10:22Z

Whether it be a horror flick or a whodunnit, the primary reason the show either works or doesn't is the writer/writing staff. For each and every television show (excluding those old-fashioned ones that only had the one writer) you'll find one writer that is continually both above-par and sets the bar for everyone else. In SGA that writer is the always witty, always entertaining Martin Gero. Tonight I'm going to go through each episode he wrote in the first season and hopefully precisely why each show is a cut above the rest.

Episode #6: Childhood's End
So first off, this was the first show I really wanted to watch twice through, to pick up all the little details. First we need to mention the general plot of this episode which not only works, but actually makes a lot of sense in the long run. Next we have the first real flirtation of the series. First McKay and the energy reading, then Sheppard and Keras. Then there was the Rodney being really mean to small children arc, that continues at least through the second season (cause it's so damn funny). Then there's the village itself which is whimsically beautiful. Finally we have precisely how self-deprecating Martin Gero was about this episode. He was like, 'dude this episode sucks' and I'm like, 'c'mon man, this is the first really good episode of the series.' Oh and I love how much Rodney wanted to steal the ZPM...from small children...and the mocking of religion...classic.

Episode #10: The Storm
Yes the title is completely lacking in originality. But...we have a genius plot...genius writing...genius-ness all around. Ok, so we have to mention that Gero was not the brains behind the initial invention of the Genii, but, but he did one almost better, and actually brought them back into the picture nice and early. This way they'll always be in the back of every watcher's mind as a potential villain. He also created the best character of all time in one Acostos Kolya. (I like the man but cannot call him anything but his full name.) There are problems with this episode, but the little details far outweigh the negative aspects. There were notes all over the place, left by John, left by Rodney. I heart notes. And the use of the life signs detector always wins points in my book. I love that both Tori Higgenson and David Hewlett put up with the pouring 'rain' to make an artistic masterpiece. One last thing I have to mention: the McKay Zelenka dialogue in this epi was positively brilliant. I honestly think this first part was at least as good as the second.

Episode #11: The Eye
Okay, in this let's mention the beauty of a mostly bearable Dr. Beckett. The man is usually so annoying I don't know what to do with myself, but seeing him yelled at over and over again never gets old. And then there's the beautiful Rachel Luttrell really kicking some ass. If you ask me, this is the episode where Teyla really is fully developed. I love the McKay/Weir dynamic here with the whole 'why did you tell him it would only last fifteen minutes' thing and the whole 'I need your code' thing. Very funny. And the John killing off all of the Genii men like so many bugs on the windshield is just so brilliantly brutal and is another great character moment for Joe Flanigan.

Episode #13: Hot Zone
I so wanted to see this episode after reading all the fics revolving around it. And although many episodes really let me down because of pre-reading, this is not one of them. Rodney...god Rodney just proved he doesn't cave under pressure. He was beautiful and heart-wrenching in this episode. Seeing him in charge of all of those people and really doing right by them, and then seeing his fair-well speech to his sister--brought tears to my eyes. I love how once again Beckett seems the buffoon. And the introduction of Biro is very nice. I also love how John was completely in the wrong here, and again I'm left with the 'I wish Elizabeth would have been more severe with him' feeling.

Episode #16: The Brotherhood
This is one example of how I wish Gero would/could always just go with his gut. The opener on this was a mixture of boring and confusing. I think the boring is pretty self explanatory. 'It's a bunch of old monks. It's wraith. Wonder who will win. Monks? Wraith? Monks? Wraith? Monks?' The confusing comes in the fact that we don't know what is being beamed up with the monks. 'Is it a ZPM? Is it one of the keys to the puzzle? NO, of course not, that's just what they'd be expecting us to do.' If he would have used his own opener: (a) it would have been a highly amusing opener and hooked people on more readily than the one recommended by the creators (b) it would have been a good deal shorter and have given more space for Rodney love to occur. Not that I wanted to see him end up with that sad excuse for a hairdresser, but still. Other than those two things the episode was one of the best I've seen. Other high points: the addition of Chuck to the staff and the B-story focusing on Zelenka.

Episode #18: The Gift
Well this wasn't my favorite episode, but we do have some good group scenes and we have the wonderful addition of Kate Heightmeyer. The dream sequences here were pretty much crap, but we really can't blame one Martin Gero for that. I do think it was quite interesting to see how each of the team members reacted to Teyla's predicament.

Episode #19: The Siege (part 1)
McKay in this was positively breathtaking. I love how beautiful the acting was by all of the guys in the weapon's platform. Even Ford was pretty damn hilarious in this, and you don't see that so very often. This is one of those very rare three-part episodes where the first part is very nearly as good as all the rest.

And there you have it, the weekly reasons why we should love him. So here are my conclusions on his general abilities. Martin Gero brings out the best and the worst of each character on a weekly basis (most especially to be seen in one Rodney McKay). Martin Gero established each of the characters as who they are, faults and flaws as well as inner beauty that shines through. Martin Gero has wicked sense of humor. And it shows. Each and every one of his episodes has enough funny places to make my sides split. Martin Gero is the one factor that separates SGA from SG1. And look at the difference there. So Martin Gero, my hat's off to you, my good man. One last, but possibly most important item, he is fantastic at show commentaries, hiding information in anecdotes and thrilling us with his natural humor.

epic...

2009-05-15T05:46:03Z

So I have this rigorous standard for the term epic being applied to a fic. And I kind of hate when the term is mis-applied.

1) Length (aka exactly how many words are on that page anyway?) - I don't actually have a set minimum word count here but pretty much any fic I can't finish in one day applies (if I had to guesstamate, any fic longer than 100,000 words).

2) Time (aka you mean they were stuck there for that long?) - A fic isn't truly epic unless it covers a long period of time. This is a minimum of six months. Oh and the fic where the main story is covered in a week and only the prologue/epilogue is any extended period so does not count.

3) Continuity (aka yeah it doesn't count if there are more than fifteen plotlines, sorry) - If you have a fic that hits several arcs it's perfectly acceptable, but only if they follow naturally from each other. And you can't cross genres too much. Putting an adventure plotline in the middle of a kink fic makes no sense whatsoever, and thus can't be epic.

4) In Character (aka if he's suddenly a woman, you're ok, if he's suddenly a woman with long flowing hair, shaved legs and an instant ability to stand on heels you're in trouble) - If they're not in character it's not a bad thing, it's just not an epic fic. Instead label it as a novel and sell it off as internet erotica.

5) Momentous (aka how exactly did our characters get here?) - An epic means things change. People change, places change, rules change. There has to be significant change on several fronts. Otherwise you're left with a dime-store novel. And I personally hate dime-store novels.

This is what I have so far. If there are additions I promise to apologize. But, but...there's so much misclassification. UGH!

on Trinity or why I love to hate and hate to love Joss Whedon

2009-05-09T04:55:11Z

As we all know there is plenty of fanfic out there, quite a bit episode related. And quite a few fics revolve around Trinity. So watching I knew it was going to be good, and if course it wasn't just good, it was fantastic. The acting was so superb on both David's and Joe's parts. The writing was sharp and concise and exactly what we needed to see. The direction was, as always by Martin Wood, breathtaking.

So I was sitting on the edge of my seat at the end, just waiting to see what they were going to do with the characters. The fact that Rodney still so arrogant...was right on some level. I can see that, him not gaining anything from this really. And John was, obviously, the only one he really was concerned about, the only one whose opinion really mattered. And John does act a little harsh, does say the trust is gone. And then he says that Rodney can gain it back. And yes I can see that. I can see how Sheppard's just a nice enough guy to know Rodney wasn't trying to blow up a solar system, that Rodney will, in the end, do more good than evil.

But there was just part of me that wanted him to just walk away. Period. Full stop. Cause the thing is, John is just being permissive, telling Rodney he can do this, or something equally bad again and John will still forgive him. And we would like to think that about ourselves in real life. But how often is that the case? How often do we forgive someone for even a small misjugdment without a good deal of time and effort.

I want the Joss Whedon moment. I want the pillow over the mouth instead of forgiveness. I want the being kicked out of your own house instead of solace. Because I can gurantee you, afterwards, everything changes, on both sides. And no, I'm not saying John should have told Weir that Rodney was being shipped back on the Daedalus's next run. But I am saying that he should have closed that transporter door after Rodney tried to stop him, and made him earn back his trust. Because as things stand in the show, the character doesn't develop. The very next week in Instinct Rodney's being mean to children, rude to natives about their soft sciences, and a general arrogant bastard. I think the perfect ending to that episode would have been John telling Elizabeth he wants Rodney off his team.

And this is why I hate Joss Whedon. Because before I started watching his shows Trinity's ending as it stands would have been perfect. But after feeling the beautiful cruelty of Whedonverse you don't forget. It's like being cut with a knife of pain. The memory stays with you. And when they go for the forgiveness you say 'go for the throat.' Damn you Joss. You rock too much.

and todays rant is sponsored by...

2009-05-06T18:26:03Z

UST! What's up with that? Why is there so much of it? We have three UST pairings just in the four epis on disc four season one. Which is a lot. And so far we have no romance between our leads. I mean we can look at this two ways, real life and general television (heck I'll restrict it to SciFi shows).

So let's start with Teyla/Sheppard. First off there's obviously no chemistry between the characters, but the writers will attempt to force chemistry where there be none. We finally see the first actual signs of UST on both sides in Hot Zone. I'm pretty sure it's just because they focus on the bodies instead of the faces. Well actually, they show Teyla's face but avoid Sheppard's. Cause he's obviously not into women.

They start this relationship out with attempted UST in the first epi. So let's just pretend that it worked. If that were the case, in real life, you're left with this situation where you meet someone, you're obviously attracted to them, and they're obviously attracted to you. So you date. That's what happens. Unless one of you is already in a relationship or there is some other outside matter to consider, you date.
Television show wise, you're dead in the water to start out a show with established UST with no reason not to go for it. Look at the Joss-verse. We'll start with firefly, cause that's the closest we're gonna get to this situation. First Mal/Inara. We have two protagonists that show obvious UST and do not do anything about it because one of them is, more or less, a prostitute. She's not going to give up her job, just so that she can fulfill a sexual fantasy that may or may not work out. Then Kaylee/Simon. We have two protagonists who are attracted to each other and one of them is too reserved to move quickly into a relationship. But he tells her this. And she knows they're going there eventually. And notice, throughout the show we have the actual established relationship of Zoe/Wash.

So to me, we're okay with the whole Teyla/Sheppard relationship until Sanctuary. Here we hit a definite snag. We have two people who very obviously have no chemistry. So when John goes into his halting apology to Teyla for dating this alien woman, and she magnanimously has no problem with it, we're left with a 'shouldn't you be saying this to somebody else?' feeling.

The McShep UST works here because it's an obvious oblivious/denial thing. Rodney has no clue that he actually has feelings for John and John would deny any feelings for Rodney. But guys, there are obvious feelings there. Think back in your life. When you like somebody (as in like like) and they're dating someone who's obviously not good enough for them, what do you do? How about when you're friends with them? In the first instance I have on many occasions told the boy exactly what I thought, that the girl's not good enough for him and he deserves much better. Hint hint. In the second instance, unless my friend comes up to me and says 'what do you think? Is it a good idea to date him?' I don't say anything at all. And when they ask my opinion I always attempt not to give an opinion at all. Because the thing about friends is, you trust their judgment.

The reason they have Rodney be the jealous housewife is due to another of the things this show lacks, unrequited love. If you have unrequited love you're able to do a heck of a lot more with jealousy and paranoia, which is why it should be a necessary quality for any tv show. Of course in The Brotherhood unrequited love is finally introduced, in one hopeless infatuation Zelenka has for Weir. And can you blame him? This...this is the first good, well-thought-out relationship in the show so far.

So from the show, here's what we have for relationships that logically work. John has a thing for Rodney starting somewhere between the first and second episodes, possibly it's a crush at first sight. But since John's in the military he denies to himself and to anyone else that he has a thing for Rodney and doesn't let it show. And since he has a thing for Chaya at first sight he goes for it, either to reestablish his heterosexuality to himself if he's never acted on his homosexual leanings or because he believes his affection for McKay will never be returned. And since he believes this he gets seriously pissed off when McKay is jealous. What started out as like is quickly turning into something more, and by The Storm he is past any type of crush and to the point where he likes Rodney enough to want what's best for him. Which is why he tries to get Rodney to date Alinna in The Brotherhood. And is petty about it.

Teyla might have a slight crush on Sheppard, but if she does it's one of those friend-crushes where half the time she's attracted to him and the other half she looks at him and sees a man who she could never actually sleep with. She's the type of person who either wants a committed relationship or good sex with no strings attached and doesn't think she could get either out of Sheppard.

Elizabeth is still in love with Simon, but in a 'not the love of my life' way. So she doesn't comprehend when anyone is attracted to her and she doesn't allow herself to become attracted to anyone else. Since she already screwed Simon over by leaving him and she's not going to screw him over even more by cheating on him.

Rodney, without any knowledge of it, starts to have feelings for Sheppard by The Underground. And although his feelings are growing he really doesn't know about them as of The Brotherhood. He's one of those types of people who's always this way about relationships though. When they start it's because the girl comes up to him and tells him 'I like you, let's date.' So any inclination on the part of Sheppard would never be perceived. He could logically be either completely hetero to this point or completely bi.

Radek has serious affection for Elizabeth. He, in fact, thinks he's in love with her, but it's more a love from afar or worship as one would a goddess than a real working love. He would never be in a relationship with Rodney, but he would consider having passionate, no strings sex until Hot Zone. After Hot Zone, he could have feelings for Rodney. This is all dependant on his sexuality of course.

Ford and Beckett are non-entities as far as relationships are concerned. Neither of them ought to be put in a situation where they're liked and like back. Ford, because his character is being written into a wall. Beckett, because he's about as intelligent as a mud fence.

Grodin is asexual. Halling deserves to be living in the playboy mansion (or playgirl, whichever he prefers). I could totally see Bates in a rape fic as the antagonist. The man is a total ass and doesn't try to hide it.

Oh, I need to give today's shout out to David Nykl. His acting is always superb, but was just out of this world on this disc. To go from the panic on Hot Zone and Before I Sleep to the adorable signs of falling head over heels in The Brotherhood is proof of quality acting ability. And only part of why I love him. Yay David Nykl. (And David Hewlett).

Writer's Block: Meant to Be?

2009-05-06T04:38:26Z

Do you believe in fate? Why or why not?

Submitted By and2c_hersmile

View 501 Answers

Fate. Ha ha funny thing. At two am yesterday morning I was attempting to fall asleep, and instead of falling asleep I managed to have a total freak out, thinking about things I hadn't thought about for years. Things like Ty. I haven't seen the guy for five years, but he was my first great unrequited love. And I...I don't think I'll ever get over him. I wake up around eight the next morning, after about two hors of sleep, and manage to actually wake up on the right side of the bed. The skeletons I'd been digging up the night before were relegated to the closet. Then my I call my mom around noon and we have our daily chat. And just as I'm about to hang up she says 'Oh I forgot to tell you' and 'Ty wrote this thing for our dinner the other day' and 'He talked about how he was in charge of about thirty men' and 'It's a whole page long, typewritten.' Her point being, of course, to rail on him for not mentioning religion at all (god forbid she ever fully understand the person I am now, cause then, disapointment would be too weak a word). And the whole time she's talking I'm thinking 'I need to not be listening to you right now' and 'Why am I first hearing about this now?' and 'Really? God I'm so proud of him. Read it. No don't. I don't think I could handle you reading it' and 'Why do you talk about this if I can't even see it?' From prior posts you can see how I dealt with this (re: much alcohol, well actually not much at all), but that's not really the point. The point is, if there wasn't fate, nothing, not one single thing, would make a lick of sense to me.

What!?

2009-05-05T18:23:24Z

Okay, so I'm about to read a fanfic and the author mentions in her a/n that she got Jossed. Part of me thinks I know what that means, but I'm not one hundred percent sure, so I type 'Jossed slang def' in my handy dandy yahoo bar and up pops Wikipedia Glossary of fan fiction terms at the top of the list of sites. I click on the little link and click on the Jossed link on the top of the page and am rather pleased with how neatly and clearly that term is defined. Thinking it would be a good idea to see if there are any terms I've yet to come across I start glancing at the rest of the page. And then I read a few entries. And start to get a little pissed. I mean could this have been written any more fallaciously if the submitter had tried? Every entry other than the Jossed one either has the wrong abreviation or the wrong definition. I mean WAFF? Seriously? What the hell is that all about? I read every fandom other than HP, including several very old ones, and the number of incorrect terms or terms I've never seen in this article have to be above a dozen.

On another note, I still feel like shit on toast. Pizza helped to the extent that now I only feel like I'm going to puke about thirty seconds of every minute instead of sixty. God I want to die. And my jaw really hurts. And I know I didn't give anyone head last night. So I have a sore jaw with nothing to show for it. Damn. Oh, but the headache is gone! Yay!

cheetahanabel @ 2009-05-05T10:30:00

2009-05-05T15:32:59Z

Do you know how long it's been since I've had a hang over? Hell even I can't remember the last time. It was probably a year ago. At least. And now I'm sitting here wondering if my rice crispy treats are going to make a reappearance. God. This is hell.